Only two weeks until school is out!
Softball and baseball have started while school is still in session so our chores and structure have gotten a little lax, and this is when I start losing my desire to enforce routines that work for us during the rest of the year. This is the beginning of the land slide that usually lasts through the summer until I am so ready for school to start up again in the fall just to be able to restore some structure and sanity!
But not this year. This year I nipped it in the bud, and came up with different chore charts for each child and a chore wheel for household duties.
And this year I am going to be the Mean Mom. Not a mom that's mean, but a mom that means what she says.
This year I have a plan. It's a good plan. Not just because I know it will work, it's because it's filled with GOOD stuff! Fun stuff! Fun stuff that we only get to do if chores are done.
The past few summers I have been the martyr and have done the majority of the chores myself so the kids could enjoy their summer and "just be kids."
Am I the only one that has bought into this false idea that mom doing all the chores is a good thing for their children?
We never end up having fun. THEY never end up having much fun. Because I'm always stuck inside doing all the chores until I am too tired to do anything fun. And that's beside the fact that they aren't learning responsibility.
And they get into trouble while amusing themselves. And I get mad. And more tired.
Hence the chore charts and chore wheel.
We will have a family meeting to come up with all the ideas of things we all want to do during the summer, and post it for all of us to see. And we are going to have a family challenge to see how many of them we can cross off before the summer is over!
But we can't do fun stuff if chores aren't done.
It's not a bribe. It's a fact. Chores finished first. FUN next! Yay!
I did a test-run with this theory and the chore charts on Saturday, with promises of a trip to a city park after. We were finished and to the park by 11:00 A.M.! We had even woken up late. It was fantastic and easily one of the best weekends we've had in weeks.
Sample Chore Charts (made in an Excel spreadsheet, mimicking bullet journaling):
For our eleven year old:
For our six year old (who can read):
For our soon-to-be four year old twins (these are made with simple clip art available online and are on two pages; one for morning chores, one for evening chores...they each have their own set):
The older kids color the box for the chore each day, and their charts are good for a whole month.
The younger kids get a sticker that they put on each picture as they complete the chore. Their charts will be replaced weekly.
Each week their charts are more filled in than not, they will receive a "pass" for a movie night. They love to have the opportunity to stay up a little later and do something special. Movies aren't allowed for 'date night' with Mom and Dad, so this is the perfect incentive. I intend to increase the expectation (with prior notice) to earn their pass so that their responsibility and ownership for their chores increases through out the summer.
I made a wheel chart similar to this one: Wheel Chore Chart Idea . Ours isn't nearly as pretty and uniform as the one pictured, but it should work. If it works well I might give it a makeover.
That's our plan! I'll post the summer fun ideas our family comes up with when we get that put together. Here's to a summer filled with fun, while continuing to teach responsibility!
Our Frates Home
It's about progress, not perfection.
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Here's To Good Health!
I'm a health fanatic. I love to read about it, study what others are doing, try new health invoking things. I've learned so much over the years, and have live a much healthier lifestyle than the average American.
I get lots of snide comments, sideways glances, and I often feel judged for making healthy lifestyle choices.
But I have a little secret. I don't feel good. That is my motivator behind my interest in health, my interest in educating myself. And I have three out of four children with digestive difficulties. I actually ignored my own feelings of unwellness until my first child with digestive issues was struggling. I knew how it felt to not feel well all of the time. So I made it my personal mission to help him avoid feeling like I do. In the process I have learned so much about my own personal health as well.
So others can judge away. I don't think I'm too fat, I lack energy and sugary foods rob my energy.
I don't think I'm better than you because I eat organic and read food labels, my stomach doesn't like pesticides and I think organic foods just taste better, a little closer to garden grown.
I don't avoid gluten and dairy to be trendy, I avoid gluten and dairy because I experience horrible stomach pain when I consume them.
And for those that judge me after reading this when I eat a bowl of regular ice cream, thinking that maybe I am just making it all up, just know that I will pay for it in a few hours, but sometimes I miss not participating in something as simple as enjoying a bowl of regular ice cream.
May we all respect and support each other in our choices regarding our own personal health and lifestyle choices, for better or worse.
I get lots of snide comments, sideways glances, and I often feel judged for making healthy lifestyle choices.
But I have a little secret. I don't feel good. That is my motivator behind my interest in health, my interest in educating myself. And I have three out of four children with digestive difficulties. I actually ignored my own feelings of unwellness until my first child with digestive issues was struggling. I knew how it felt to not feel well all of the time. So I made it my personal mission to help him avoid feeling like I do. In the process I have learned so much about my own personal health as well.
So others can judge away. I don't think I'm too fat, I lack energy and sugary foods rob my energy.
I don't think I'm better than you because I eat organic and read food labels, my stomach doesn't like pesticides and I think organic foods just taste better, a little closer to garden grown.
I don't avoid gluten and dairy to be trendy, I avoid gluten and dairy because I experience horrible stomach pain when I consume them.
And for those that judge me after reading this when I eat a bowl of regular ice cream, thinking that maybe I am just making it all up, just know that I will pay for it in a few hours, but sometimes I miss not participating in something as simple as enjoying a bowl of regular ice cream.
May we all respect and support each other in our choices regarding our own personal health and lifestyle choices, for better or worse.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Train Up a Child In the Way He Should Go...
I had a bit of a revelation today. It started yesterday. Well, technically I've been thinking about it and working on it for over two years, but yesterday I'd HAD IT! P's behavior was out of control and I knew it was my fault.
With A I had been a very diligent parent when she was younger, correcting everything immediately (without hovering) and using every incident, good or bad, as a teaching moment. I was diligent with P also, until he was almost two and I was VERY pregnant with the twins. Once they arrived...what was discipline? Who had time for it, let alone available hands, while breastfeeding twins, diapering twins, feeding twins, chasing after crawling twins... you get the picture. I let way too much slide his past two very impressionable years. We were in constant survival mode and it didn't allow much time for effective discipline. So two years post twins' birth, and I have a very untrained, disobedient, and willful four-year-old son.
Over the past couple of months I've learned quite a bit about my personality and his from Carol Tuttle, author of "The Child Whisperer" and founder of Energy Profiling found on her blog, thecarolblog.com. This has been a huge help in understanding my lack of desire to continually discipline (I'm a T1/4) and in understanding his lack of desire to follow any rules at all whatsoever while laughing and creating a diversion in a big way (he's a T1/3). However, even Carol proclaims the need for children to be disciplined, just understood in the process. A T1 loves everything to be "fun." You would think as a T1 mom that I wouldn't have any problem with that, but my T4 tendencies like to know when that fun can take place, and bed time is not it. The bed time routine can be fun, and I enjoy it, but once it's bed time, that's it...lights out on the fun. Carol suggests sending a T1 child to bed with a toy. We tried it, he LOVED it, but my T2 2 year old he shares a bedroom with did not. Either did I, since he just got wound up instead of worn out. Also, the bathroom is not a setting for fun, in my opinion, neither is the dinner table a setting for toys during mealtime, etc. We have rules for a reason and those rules aren't always fun, but there are plenty of other times and places for fun, and I'm learning to make more of those moments so that when a boring old rule comes into play, he feels okay about following it because he's already had oodles of fun.
While I know these things, I have still struggled with him. He does not have a heart for obedience. "What am I doing wrong?" "What should I be doing differently?" were questions I was asking myself. I don't think I am a bad parent. I am at home with all of my children considerably more than they are in the care of others, so I knew I couldn't blame a bad influence on someone else. I feed them healthful foods, give them plenty of time for rest, time for outdoor play, time for fun, time spent training in household chores. P even has a chore chart at the age of four.
But every day continues to be a struggle. Meal time and manners, kindness toward siblings, performing basic chores or tasks, bed time. All of these things are daily struggles and I have ended up resorting to hovering, threats, bribes, spankings. All of which are screaming to me that I am failing as a parent. I don't believe there is room for hovering, threatening, bribing, spanking in a successful family.
Yesterday was the fourth day in a row of complete disobedience in all things. I thought these kind of children only happened to bad parents, so maybe I'm a bad parent after all. But, I decided enough was enough and I pulled out the spanking spoon. I had tried time out, bribes/ rewards, trips to the park and the store to get away, an extra 'break/nap,' and I felt I had exhausted all the possibilities of helping him obey except spanking. So, after almost an entire day of spankings to correct this ongoing disobedience, I went to bed feeling like the worst parent EVER.
Today I was driven to the scriptures. I was frustrated, had just sent him to his room at 9:00 a.m. to lay down in his bed with threats of spankings if he was to get up, and with tears in my eyes, I realized I hadn't read my scriptures yet. I turned in prayer, asking for forgiveness for my shortcomings as a parent of His child, and for Him to show me a better way. He did.
I read several scriptures:
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (I know, I know. I failed in this department...I will resolve to do better... but how? How do I train him up, what I'm doing isn't working...)
Proverbs 23:12-14 "Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." (What!? The scriptures are encouraging the spanking!?..."Apply thine heart to instruction" if I did that part, it probably would never escalate to spanking..."Withhold no correction from the child"...if I consistently corrected EVERY time, it would never reach a spanking point, I'm sure)
Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"
Col 3:21 "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged."
(Two scriptures that counsel us not to "provoke" our children to anger...spanking makes my children angry...discouragement is Satan's tool...why would spanking discourage my kids? Do they feel like there is no redemption from their wrong?)
1 Timothy 3:2,4-5 "...vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach:...One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity:(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (These scriptures are counsel for a bishop, but applies to any parent who also wants to further the Lord's church...we obviously need to model the attributes listed above to "rule well" our own house... but how do we bring our children to subjection with all gravity?)
1 John 4:12-13, 16, 18, 5:2,4:14-15 "...If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Herby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit."v.16 "And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." (I know I need more love in my heart. I know I need God with me in a way I don't right now. I know I need to be more diligent in my scripture study and prayer in the morning so that my thoughts and focus are pointed toward His will, not my own. I need His love in me before I start the day) v. 18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (Again, spanking and threats create fear. There is no room for fear in love. Spanking might be appropriate at times, but not on a regular basis. This is being confirmed to me over and over again. It does not foster feelings of love in me or in him.) 1 John 5:2 "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments." (By increasing my love for God and following His commandments more closely, it will show in the love I show my children...even through discipline and correction) v. 4 "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world; and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith." (Yay! I have this promise! And I don't even want to over come the world...just this mountain of disobedience in front of me!) v. 14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." (I'm sure you can imagine the prayer I sent heavenward).
As I pondered my responsibilities as a parent, even though we are counseled that we use the rod (spanking), I don't believe that 'raising them up in the nurture of the Lord' means to use the rod on a regular basis for everything. "Train up a child," "having his children in subjection with all gravity," "apply thine heart unto instruction"...were all running through my head. When I realized that I needed to change MY heart by turning toward God, I also received a bit of revelation in the form of a thought. What if "the rod" was "the word of God" like in Lehi's dream and I needed to teach him the error of his ways, using "the word of God," or the commandments as we know it. What was spanking teaching him? That Mom hits when she's angry? That he makes Mom angry? That Mom is to be feared? I thought about it from his perspective...what if he thought he couldn't do anything because Mom might hit him? How scary would that be? I don't beat my child. One swat for an offense and a verbal warning are what I use when I use it. That's how I have justified it all this time. I was spanked as a kid. My parents counsel me to spank. But really, what is it teaching? Why not ask him some questions about his behavior to encourage understanding of why this behavior is wrong?
Get his attention with the words, "That is not a good choice." I hope to soon be asking the question, "Was that a good choice?" when he has grasped this concept a little better.
Help him think about his choice with the words, "Why is that not a good choice?" I've had to help him quite a bit, but it really has him thinking about it. I'll ask the question followed by other questions depending on the offensive behavior until he has grasped why what he did was not a good choice .
Help give him an idea for how to have good behavior next time with the question, "What would be a good choice?" or "What would be a better choice?"
Then guide him to an idea for restitution with the question, "What would help make this better right now?"
(i.e. He was kicking the back of his sisters seat in the car after repeatedly being asked not to. I said, "That is not a good choice." I deliver the entire sequence of statements and questions in a 'ground zero' voice with no anger, no annoyance, no negativity. I gave it a second to sink in, and he stopped immediately. I followed with the question, "Why is that not a good choice?" and I allowed another short pause for him to answer. When he didn't reply, but the behavior hadn't resumed, and I could tell he was thinking, I asked, "Would you like it if your sister was doing that to you? Why wouldn't you like it?" He responded with, "No." and "Because." Typical answers for a four year old, so I gave him several possibilities, "Would it bother you? Does it hurt a little bit? Do you get tired of it? Would you feel happy if she did that to you?" He remained engaged in the conversation, with replies, of "yes" and "no" at appropriate times, so I could tell he was thinking about it. I then followed with, "What would be a better choice?" Again, a pause to allow him to respond, then I gave him several ideas. "What if you just kicked your feet without kicking them far enough to hit the chair? Or what if you wanted her attention and you used your words? Or what if you clapped your hands to be busy?" I then ask the question, "What would help make this better right now?" The kicking had already stopped, so he apologized very nicely without much prompting from me since he had a better understanding of why his behavior was offensive. SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE than any other form of discipline I have used with this child.)
We had the opportunity to use this method innumerable times today, and every time I felt that his apology was sincere, like I had successfully taught him, and I didn't feel like I was forcing him to behave. He truly tried harder today to have good behavior and I think he and I both felt we were successes instead of failures at the end of the day.
I also had the opportunity to curb some undesirable behavior from A as well with this method with great success despite the eye rolling it invoked. The corrections were much more gentle and she was able to redeem herself from her behavior so that she didn't feel like a failure or like she was bad. She is often reduced to tears when she is corrected because she feels like when we correct her behavior we are always pointing out everything bad about her. She was easily able to see that it was the behavior that was being corrected, and she really did most of the correcting herself with very little prompting. I also felt that she exhibited less undesirable behavior throughout the day than she had in the days previous.
Words were much kinder in our home today, as I was able to set the tone with effective correction that didn't invoke discouragment, anger, raised voices, contention, or any of the other negative behaviors that keep the Spirit from our home and invite Satan in.
Such a wonderful answer to prayer.
With A I had been a very diligent parent when she was younger, correcting everything immediately (without hovering) and using every incident, good or bad, as a teaching moment. I was diligent with P also, until he was almost two and I was VERY pregnant with the twins. Once they arrived...what was discipline? Who had time for it, let alone available hands, while breastfeeding twins, diapering twins, feeding twins, chasing after crawling twins... you get the picture. I let way too much slide his past two very impressionable years. We were in constant survival mode and it didn't allow much time for effective discipline. So two years post twins' birth, and I have a very untrained, disobedient, and willful four-year-old son.
Over the past couple of months I've learned quite a bit about my personality and his from Carol Tuttle, author of "The Child Whisperer" and founder of Energy Profiling found on her blog, thecarolblog.com. This has been a huge help in understanding my lack of desire to continually discipline (I'm a T1/4) and in understanding his lack of desire to follow any rules at all whatsoever while laughing and creating a diversion in a big way (he's a T1/3). However, even Carol proclaims the need for children to be disciplined, just understood in the process. A T1 loves everything to be "fun." You would think as a T1 mom that I wouldn't have any problem with that, but my T4 tendencies like to know when that fun can take place, and bed time is not it. The bed time routine can be fun, and I enjoy it, but once it's bed time, that's it...lights out on the fun. Carol suggests sending a T1 child to bed with a toy. We tried it, he LOVED it, but my T2 2 year old he shares a bedroom with did not. Either did I, since he just got wound up instead of worn out. Also, the bathroom is not a setting for fun, in my opinion, neither is the dinner table a setting for toys during mealtime, etc. We have rules for a reason and those rules aren't always fun, but there are plenty of other times and places for fun, and I'm learning to make more of those moments so that when a boring old rule comes into play, he feels okay about following it because he's already had oodles of fun.
While I know these things, I have still struggled with him. He does not have a heart for obedience. "What am I doing wrong?" "What should I be doing differently?" were questions I was asking myself. I don't think I am a bad parent. I am at home with all of my children considerably more than they are in the care of others, so I knew I couldn't blame a bad influence on someone else. I feed them healthful foods, give them plenty of time for rest, time for outdoor play, time for fun, time spent training in household chores. P even has a chore chart at the age of four.
But every day continues to be a struggle. Meal time and manners, kindness toward siblings, performing basic chores or tasks, bed time. All of these things are daily struggles and I have ended up resorting to hovering, threats, bribes, spankings. All of which are screaming to me that I am failing as a parent. I don't believe there is room for hovering, threatening, bribing, spanking in a successful family.
Yesterday was the fourth day in a row of complete disobedience in all things. I thought these kind of children only happened to bad parents, so maybe I'm a bad parent after all. But, I decided enough was enough and I pulled out the spanking spoon. I had tried time out, bribes/ rewards, trips to the park and the store to get away, an extra 'break/nap,' and I felt I had exhausted all the possibilities of helping him obey except spanking. So, after almost an entire day of spankings to correct this ongoing disobedience, I went to bed feeling like the worst parent EVER.
Today I was driven to the scriptures. I was frustrated, had just sent him to his room at 9:00 a.m. to lay down in his bed with threats of spankings if he was to get up, and with tears in my eyes, I realized I hadn't read my scriptures yet. I turned in prayer, asking for forgiveness for my shortcomings as a parent of His child, and for Him to show me a better way. He did.
I read several scriptures:
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (I know, I know. I failed in this department...I will resolve to do better... but how? How do I train him up, what I'm doing isn't working...)
Proverbs 23:12-14 "Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." (What!? The scriptures are encouraging the spanking!?..."Apply thine heart to instruction" if I did that part, it probably would never escalate to spanking..."Withhold no correction from the child"...if I consistently corrected EVERY time, it would never reach a spanking point, I'm sure)
Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"
Col 3:21 "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged."
(Two scriptures that counsel us not to "provoke" our children to anger...spanking makes my children angry...discouragement is Satan's tool...why would spanking discourage my kids? Do they feel like there is no redemption from their wrong?)
1 Timothy 3:2,4-5 "...vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach:...One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity:(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (These scriptures are counsel for a bishop, but applies to any parent who also wants to further the Lord's church...we obviously need to model the attributes listed above to "rule well" our own house... but how do we bring our children to subjection with all gravity?)
1 John 4:12-13, 16, 18, 5:2,4:14-15 "...If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Herby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit."v.16 "And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." (I know I need more love in my heart. I know I need God with me in a way I don't right now. I know I need to be more diligent in my scripture study and prayer in the morning so that my thoughts and focus are pointed toward His will, not my own. I need His love in me before I start the day) v. 18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (Again, spanking and threats create fear. There is no room for fear in love. Spanking might be appropriate at times, but not on a regular basis. This is being confirmed to me over and over again. It does not foster feelings of love in me or in him.) 1 John 5:2 "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments." (By increasing my love for God and following His commandments more closely, it will show in the love I show my children...even through discipline and correction) v. 4 "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world; and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith." (Yay! I have this promise! And I don't even want to over come the world...just this mountain of disobedience in front of me!) v. 14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." (I'm sure you can imagine the prayer I sent heavenward).
As I pondered my responsibilities as a parent, even though we are counseled that we use the rod (spanking), I don't believe that 'raising them up in the nurture of the Lord' means to use the rod on a regular basis for everything. "Train up a child," "having his children in subjection with all gravity," "apply thine heart unto instruction"...were all running through my head. When I realized that I needed to change MY heart by turning toward God, I also received a bit of revelation in the form of a thought. What if "the rod" was "the word of God" like in Lehi's dream and I needed to teach him the error of his ways, using "the word of God," or the commandments as we know it. What was spanking teaching him? That Mom hits when she's angry? That he makes Mom angry? That Mom is to be feared? I thought about it from his perspective...what if he thought he couldn't do anything because Mom might hit him? How scary would that be? I don't beat my child. One swat for an offense and a verbal warning are what I use when I use it. That's how I have justified it all this time. I was spanked as a kid. My parents counsel me to spank. But really, what is it teaching? Why not ask him some questions about his behavior to encourage understanding of why this behavior is wrong?
Get his attention with the words, "That is not a good choice." I hope to soon be asking the question, "Was that a good choice?" when he has grasped this concept a little better.
Help him think about his choice with the words, "Why is that not a good choice?" I've had to help him quite a bit, but it really has him thinking about it. I'll ask the question followed by other questions depending on the offensive behavior until he has grasped why what he did was not a good choice .
Help give him an idea for how to have good behavior next time with the question, "What would be a good choice?" or "What would be a better choice?"
Then guide him to an idea for restitution with the question, "What would help make this better right now?"
(i.e. He was kicking the back of his sisters seat in the car after repeatedly being asked not to. I said, "That is not a good choice." I deliver the entire sequence of statements and questions in a 'ground zero' voice with no anger, no annoyance, no negativity. I gave it a second to sink in, and he stopped immediately. I followed with the question, "Why is that not a good choice?" and I allowed another short pause for him to answer. When he didn't reply, but the behavior hadn't resumed, and I could tell he was thinking, I asked, "Would you like it if your sister was doing that to you? Why wouldn't you like it?" He responded with, "No." and "Because." Typical answers for a four year old, so I gave him several possibilities, "Would it bother you? Does it hurt a little bit? Do you get tired of it? Would you feel happy if she did that to you?" He remained engaged in the conversation, with replies, of "yes" and "no" at appropriate times, so I could tell he was thinking about it. I then followed with, "What would be a better choice?" Again, a pause to allow him to respond, then I gave him several ideas. "What if you just kicked your feet without kicking them far enough to hit the chair? Or what if you wanted her attention and you used your words? Or what if you clapped your hands to be busy?" I then ask the question, "What would help make this better right now?" The kicking had already stopped, so he apologized very nicely without much prompting from me since he had a better understanding of why his behavior was offensive. SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE than any other form of discipline I have used with this child.)
We had the opportunity to use this method innumerable times today, and every time I felt that his apology was sincere, like I had successfully taught him, and I didn't feel like I was forcing him to behave. He truly tried harder today to have good behavior and I think he and I both felt we were successes instead of failures at the end of the day.
I also had the opportunity to curb some undesirable behavior from A as well with this method with great success despite the eye rolling it invoked. The corrections were much more gentle and she was able to redeem herself from her behavior so that she didn't feel like a failure or like she was bad. She is often reduced to tears when she is corrected because she feels like when we correct her behavior we are always pointing out everything bad about her. She was easily able to see that it was the behavior that was being corrected, and she really did most of the correcting herself with very little prompting. I also felt that she exhibited less undesirable behavior throughout the day than she had in the days previous.
Words were much kinder in our home today, as I was able to set the tone with effective correction that didn't invoke discouragment, anger, raised voices, contention, or any of the other negative behaviors that keep the Spirit from our home and invite Satan in.
Such a wonderful answer to prayer.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Oh, To Find A Balance
I am a bit "free" in the way I think, speak, and act (and that's a nice way to put it). I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time, because I have so many great ideas firing off in my head! Finishing things I start is also a bit of a challenge, especially if it's looking good and I can picture the final product in a positive light and know it'll be something I love (for some reason I think I'll get back to finishing it into something I DO love, right after I finish this other thing I've really been wanting to do). OR if it takes more than a day to complete. OR if I get side tracked by kids, laundry, dishes, meals, a phone call, or a million other things.
Needless to say, hum-drum daily tasks are not something that get me excited, so I'm always trying something new that will require less time, less thought, less of my energy, and still get it done because I would rather be working on one of the million fun ideas I have bouncing around in my head. I really dislike performing the daily tasks and the hum-drum of daily routine, but I love enjoying the benefits of delicious, inexpensive, home cooked healthful meals, a tidy house that's not embarrassing if someone stops by unannounced, being able to find things I'm looking for in their designated place, kids who are happier because Mom is happier, getting places on time, and the list goes on.
Here are a few tools I have found to be invaluable in staying organized enough to get household tasks done, but putting my twist on it, so it doesn't become too dull and boring. I have combined the following ideas to get my cleaning routine down to a 20-45 minute speed clean every other day (everyone that's home at 8:00 a.m. helps with the speed clean routine, including the two year old twins), an additional 15 minutes a couple of times on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday for laundry, and an additional 20 minutes of extra cleaning in designated rooms.
I made some changes to the designated rooms routine because many of those things are included in the speed cleaning routine. I do find that our bathroom keeps up appearances much better using the speed cleaning method, and that the few things I do extra once each week in designated rooms takes considerably less time. I also added in Sabbath day readiness on Saturday, which has helped keep a cheerful spirit in our home Sunday morning (we have 8:30 a.m. church) instead of feeling rushed and flustered trying to find last minute things (usually shoes and putting together snacks while trying to get a good breakfast in).
The speed cleaning is recommended every day, but it's just not a priority for me to keep it immaculate, and every other day keeps it pretty darn clean. Since I started regularly including the kids in our speed cleaning routine and cleaning up after meals until it's DONE has really helped them take ownership of their messes and I don't feel like I am a maid cleaning up every day.
With a nine year old, four year old, and two year old twins, I don't hold bragging rights to an immaculate home...we do still live, love, and play here...but it's a manageable mess that's clean underneath!
We implemented a chore chart point system that is working really well for limiting the sense of entitlement my children have for extra things (i.e. friends over, treats, going to the park) and also eliminates my nagging and reminding, and their chores get done. Our nine year old completes her chores totally on her own, but I do have to read the chores to our four year old (he chooses which order to complete them in), and then I do have to help him stay focused and complete them (he has the same problem his mother does...he still has hope of outgrowing it though). All chores have to be completed without complaining (we added the eating of meals and helping clean up afterwards to the chore chart with points and this has almost eliminated complaints at meal time), some chores have to be completed before 10:00 a.m. and some have to be completed before 7:00 p.m. to receive points. If chores are completed after the designated times they don't receive points. If chores aren't completed at all they have a negative point value for that day. My nine year old also has a list of bonus chores with designated points that are actually 'my' chores she can help with. We also added a good attitude point value that is all inclusive for the day. A good attitude (not getting in time out or breaking a family rule) earns them 50 points. A bad attitude can cost them 50 points. They each have their own individual lists of rewards, but our four year old still hasn't grasped the concept of cashing his in. Our nine year old is saving hers up =).
I have also found that making seasonal rotating menus helps me spend less money making more healthful meals more often, and keeps variety in our meals, and I had to make less grocery shopping trips. We live an hour away from Costco and Winco, so buying ahead makes sense if I know what I'm really going to use. We also have two outdoor deep freezers, so I could really stock up on and freeze fruits, vegetables, and meat, knowing exactly what I was going to need for the next three months. We were also not tempted to eat out as often when I kept up on it.
I have 28 meals for 4 seasons and I rotate through them for three months (Winter menu is rotated through December, January, February, Spring menu is rotated through March, April, May, Summer menu should theoretically be rotated through June, July, and August, and the Fall menu rotated through September, October, and November).
HOWEVER, I still can't seem to stick to the summer menu I made. I need to spend some time remaking it to something I'll actually do. Summer is too busy and too hot to want to spend time in the kitchen cooking and I need to make more allowances for that.
I also ended up taking inventory of my freezer and pantry for the last two weeks of each seasonal menu rotation and altering the rotating menu to use up what I may have overstocked. I loved using this in the Winter and Spring because I felt like I spent almost zero time meal planning, and I could make a triple batch of sauce the first time I made it and froze the other two portions because I knew I would be making it again two more times. It takes the same amount of time to triple a batch as it does to make one batch, I only have to do it once, and only wash the dishes once. I loved it! It felt like cheating sometimes. It was fantastic.
My challenge with the summer has been #1: the heat, #2: less structured schedules, #3: my kids not sleeping as well because it's light outside for longer (we unsuccessfully tried black out curtains), #4: did I mention the heat? We don't have central air, just a couple of window air conditioning units. They're sufficient but I don't feel inspired to cook. Plus with the larger variety of fruits and vegetables I'm not sure what's going to be available and when so that makes it harder to plan. Those are my excuses. Maybe I just needed a break from the structure the seasonal rotating menus provide, even though the benefits far out weigh the boredom caused by the routine.
I would love to get to a place where I have meal prepping for the week down to a small block of time, but as of yet, I've only been motivated to accomplish that once or twice in my lifetime. I always seem to have something more attractive captivating my attention.
I know it sounds like all this takes a ton of time, but it actually saves us time and allows bigger blocks of time for the things we really love...like family and projects!
Needless to say, hum-drum daily tasks are not something that get me excited, so I'm always trying something new that will require less time, less thought, less of my energy, and still get it done because I would rather be working on one of the million fun ideas I have bouncing around in my head. I really dislike performing the daily tasks and the hum-drum of daily routine, but I love enjoying the benefits of delicious, inexpensive, home cooked healthful meals, a tidy house that's not embarrassing if someone stops by unannounced, being able to find things I'm looking for in their designated place, kids who are happier because Mom is happier, getting places on time, and the list goes on.
Here are a few tools I have found to be invaluable in staying organized enough to get household tasks done, but putting my twist on it, so it doesn't become too dull and boring. I have combined the following ideas to get my cleaning routine down to a 20-45 minute speed clean every other day (everyone that's home at 8:00 a.m. helps with the speed clean routine, including the two year old twins), an additional 15 minutes a couple of times on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday for laundry, and an additional 20 minutes of extra cleaning in designated rooms.
I made some changes to the designated rooms routine because many of those things are included in the speed cleaning routine. I do find that our bathroom keeps up appearances much better using the speed cleaning method, and that the few things I do extra once each week in designated rooms takes considerably less time. I also added in Sabbath day readiness on Saturday, which has helped keep a cheerful spirit in our home Sunday morning (we have 8:30 a.m. church) instead of feeling rushed and flustered trying to find last minute things (usually shoes and putting together snacks while trying to get a good breakfast in).
The speed cleaning is recommended every day, but it's just not a priority for me to keep it immaculate, and every other day keeps it pretty darn clean. Since I started regularly including the kids in our speed cleaning routine and cleaning up after meals until it's DONE has really helped them take ownership of their messes and I don't feel like I am a maid cleaning up every day.
With a nine year old, four year old, and two year old twins, I don't hold bragging rights to an immaculate home...we do still live, love, and play here...but it's a manageable mess that's clean underneath!
We implemented a chore chart point system that is working really well for limiting the sense of entitlement my children have for extra things (i.e. friends over, treats, going to the park) and also eliminates my nagging and reminding, and their chores get done. Our nine year old completes her chores totally on her own, but I do have to read the chores to our four year old (he chooses which order to complete them in), and then I do have to help him stay focused and complete them (he has the same problem his mother does...he still has hope of outgrowing it though). All chores have to be completed without complaining (we added the eating of meals and helping clean up afterwards to the chore chart with points and this has almost eliminated complaints at meal time), some chores have to be completed before 10:00 a.m. and some have to be completed before 7:00 p.m. to receive points. If chores are completed after the designated times they don't receive points. If chores aren't completed at all they have a negative point value for that day. My nine year old also has a list of bonus chores with designated points that are actually 'my' chores she can help with. We also added a good attitude point value that is all inclusive for the day. A good attitude (not getting in time out or breaking a family rule) earns them 50 points. A bad attitude can cost them 50 points. They each have their own individual lists of rewards, but our four year old still hasn't grasped the concept of cashing his in. Our nine year old is saving hers up =).
I have also found that making seasonal rotating menus helps me spend less money making more healthful meals more often, and keeps variety in our meals, and I had to make less grocery shopping trips. We live an hour away from Costco and Winco, so buying ahead makes sense if I know what I'm really going to use. We also have two outdoor deep freezers, so I could really stock up on and freeze fruits, vegetables, and meat, knowing exactly what I was going to need for the next three months. We were also not tempted to eat out as often when I kept up on it.
I have 28 meals for 4 seasons and I rotate through them for three months (Winter menu is rotated through December, January, February, Spring menu is rotated through March, April, May, Summer menu should theoretically be rotated through June, July, and August, and the Fall menu rotated through September, October, and November).
HOWEVER, I still can't seem to stick to the summer menu I made. I need to spend some time remaking it to something I'll actually do. Summer is too busy and too hot to want to spend time in the kitchen cooking and I need to make more allowances for that.
I also ended up taking inventory of my freezer and pantry for the last two weeks of each seasonal menu rotation and altering the rotating menu to use up what I may have overstocked. I loved using this in the Winter and Spring because I felt like I spent almost zero time meal planning, and I could make a triple batch of sauce the first time I made it and froze the other two portions because I knew I would be making it again two more times. It takes the same amount of time to triple a batch as it does to make one batch, I only have to do it once, and only wash the dishes once. I loved it! It felt like cheating sometimes. It was fantastic.
My challenge with the summer has been #1: the heat, #2: less structured schedules, #3: my kids not sleeping as well because it's light outside for longer (we unsuccessfully tried black out curtains), #4: did I mention the heat? We don't have central air, just a couple of window air conditioning units. They're sufficient but I don't feel inspired to cook. Plus with the larger variety of fruits and vegetables I'm not sure what's going to be available and when so that makes it harder to plan. Those are my excuses. Maybe I just needed a break from the structure the seasonal rotating menus provide, even though the benefits far out weigh the boredom caused by the routine.
I would love to get to a place where I have meal prepping for the week down to a small block of time, but as of yet, I've only been motivated to accomplish that once or twice in my lifetime. I always seem to have something more attractive captivating my attention.
I know it sounds like all this takes a ton of time, but it actually saves us time and allows bigger blocks of time for the things we really love...like family and projects!
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Bottle Calf Electrolytes Recipe
When our jersey bull calves arrived, we were elated! The kids immediately named them. Aleska chose the name Cocoa for the larger calf, who was lighter in color, and Parker chose the name Pookie for the smaller calf, who has a darker streak of color down his back. I did have to explain to them that these calves are not pets and that we are going to eat them, and both of them look disgusted and appalled! We had a hamburger and steak discussion, and how long we would have them before they would be butchered, and even though the information seemed to be accepted I still got glances of abhorrence after our talk.
The calves seemed to settle right in, taking to the buckets with very little assistance, and eating really well. We were told to feed them two quarts of real milk (not milk replacer) two times each day twelve hours apart. We had straw in stalls for them and we thought we were set!
Fast forward one week and they both have scours. Ugh. Cocoa is still acting healthy, but Pookie was shaking as I was feeding him and eliminating at the same time. Everywhere. And it had traces of blood. We found this recipe and we're trying it, but replacing the pectin with gelatin. Not sure if that is an improvement or not, but the pectin is vegetable and fruit based where the gelatin is beef based. And we had it on hand. We'll be following everything else she recommends.
Best Bottle Calf Recipe via Hub Pages and Leighr67
Calf Health
The weather here in Southwest Idaho has wreaked havoc on my bottle babies this year! I lost several calves to scours and dehydration or pneumonia. I tried all of the feed store brands of electrolytes but found them all lacking and over priced. My calves wanted nothing to do with them and wouldn't drink them!
Here are a couple of the ways I have stopped my calf mortality...
Simple and Effective Recipe to Cure Scours!
This recipe I found online is the best and has brought my calves back from near death!
The price is also a fraction of that of commercial electrolytes!
When they will not drink anything else they will drink this! I have never had to tube a calf when feeding this mixed with warm water to equal 2 quarts.
1 can beef broth (not concentrate)
1 box of pectin(the kind used to make jello)
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
Mix Broth and baking soda and salt, add pectin and mix with enough warm water to make 2 quarts( a full calf bottle). Feed to the calf laying down, standing up, whatever you have to do to get it down his throat. Once they taste it they usually want it and will keep sucking.
Feed 2 bottles of this before returning to regular milk feedings and feed the milk in smaller amounts more often.
Example: 1 quart of replacer 4 times a day or split 2 bottles into 3 feedings. Sometimes little calves cannot handle all that milk and over feeding is what causes the scours to begin with.
Shots
Another big help I have found is giving Selenium and Vitamin A&D.
I inject Bo-Se 2.75 ml and 1.5ml of Vitamin A&D
The minute I get my calves home. This has helped with preventing White Muscle disease. They go down and wont drink and do not have scours, lose their will to live. This has happened to a couple of calves this year. Since I started these shots It has stopped.
B-12 helps to bring back their appetites when they are not feeling good as well. Ask your vet for prescriptions for that and the Bo-Se.
UPDATE: This home made electrolytes worked for the scours for one calf but we lost the other calf. I would chalk it up to inexperience and not recognizing the scours for what they were early enough. I'm confident this would work if given early enough.
UPDATE: This home made electrolytes worked for the scours for one calf but we lost the other calf. I would chalk it up to inexperience and not recognizing the scours for what they were early enough. I'm confident this would work if given early enough.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
"The Last Time" by Danniel J. Lennax
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you had freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burpings,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or lack of naps.
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don't forget...
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set him down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last time you eve wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is you won't even know it's the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them
And when they're gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
Danniel J. Lennax
You might long for the person you were before,
When you had freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burpings,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or lack of naps.
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don't forget...
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set him down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last time you eve wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is you won't even know it's the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them
And when they're gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
Danniel J. Lennax
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Chef Salad
Anything is optional:
Greens (organic iceberg, spring greens, baby spinach, kale, endive, etc.)
Hard boiled eggs, sliced
Ham, cubed
Beets, cooked and sliced or shredded
Olives, diced or sliced
Cucumbers, halved and sliced
Carrots, shredded or sliced
Tomatoes, diced
Onion, finely sliced (red, yellow, green)
Cheese, shredded or crumbled (cheddar, Gorgonzola, blue, Parmesan, etc.)
Organic baby peas
Sunflower seeds, hulled
Salt & pepper
Add a dressing of your choice...viola...eat as a main dish or as a side!
Greens (organic iceberg, spring greens, baby spinach, kale, endive, etc.)
Hard boiled eggs, sliced
Ham, cubed
Beets, cooked and sliced or shredded
Olives, diced or sliced
Cucumbers, halved and sliced
Carrots, shredded or sliced
Tomatoes, diced
Onion, finely sliced (red, yellow, green)
Cheese, shredded or crumbled (cheddar, Gorgonzola, blue, Parmesan, etc.)
Organic baby peas
Sunflower seeds, hulled
Salt & pepper
Add a dressing of your choice...viola...eat as a main dish or as a side!
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